We’ve all said it…
“My child will never act like that”
You know, when your in the supermarket and you hear that wailing kid screaming because his mom told him no.
The kid that refuses to eat what was put in front of them.
I’m guilty. I’ve said it a million times before I had children. Hell, I’ve said it a few times SINCE I’ve had children.
I have ONE word: KARMA.
Oh, that lovely bitch named Karma. She’ll come back and make you eat your words. I promise you that. She’s definitely served me a few cold dishes lately.
It’s hard as a parent to set boundaries while out in public. When your child is 10, that’s different (maybe… I havn’t made it there yet). But when your child is two… well, bribing and threatening just doesn’t work.
Please note: I know my style of parenting is very different from the vast majority of people. I’m not saying it’s perfect, I’m not saying you should handle your children the way I do. You’re the parent, you know in your heart how you should be handling them.
I am firmly against spanking, Adelyn has had her fair share of swats on the butt, but nothing to really hurt her or as other people refer to as “scare” her. I do believe, however, in removing the child from the situation. But hell, when I have a cart full of groceries, no milk in the fridge and am standing in line to check out… removing her from the situation just isn’t gonna work. (So eat me, lady standing in the check out line with too much make up and clothes for a 19 yr old giving my daughter the evil eye)
Imagine you’re at work and you did something wrong. So your boss walks up to you, puts a death grip around your arm, and out of no where, rips you out of your chair, then screams that you shouldn’t have done that? How would that make you feel? So what makes a person think that it’s ok to do that to a child? What, because the child can’t stand up and speak for themselves?
It is MY job as a parent to protect my children. To love them, keep them away from danger. To be the person to comfort them when they have booboos. Not be the one to give them a booboo. What kind of message is that sending a child? The person who loves them and nurtures them is now inflicting pain on them. And why? “Because they deserved it?” So what is that teaching your daughter? When she is older and her BF smacks her around because “she deserved it”? Or your son… it’s ok that he hit his GF because “she deserved it”.
In my opinion, a child that is acting out by throwing a temper tantrum goes MUCH deeper than the fact they didn’t get there way. It’s the fact that they want your attention. Good or bad attention, they don’t care, they just want it, they need it.
I do believe in discipline. And I try my best to discipline Adelyn when she is acting out in public. But at times it’s hard. She’s just not at the age yet where she truly understands her surroundings.
I don’t think that people who do not have children realize what they are saying when they say “my child will never act like that” or (my favorite) “if that was my child…..”. It is the main reason I do not like going ANYWHERE with anyone. It’s the reason that when Craig gets invited to bonfires and BBQ’s I say we’re not going.
Littles are only little for so long. And the young years are the most important formative years. To me, spending them spanking and scolding are just NOT an option, for me anyways.
As a parent, I strive every day to be the best. But some nights I find myself questioning my actions during the day. Telling myself that I was on the computer too long. That I should have talked to Adelyn about why she can’t wipe her bothers face, instead of yelling at her because she hurt him and sending her to her room. I tend to be a bit tougher on Adelyn while we are out of the house, and for that reason, and tons of others, I find myself crying a lot thinking that I’m a horrible parent. Wondering if she really knows just how much I love her and couldn’t live with out her. And then, when you hear someone say “my child will never act like that” or “if she was mine….”. It makes all those insecurities of not doing your job as a parent a reality.
I tend to shrug off these types of remarks, as most that make them are not parents and therefore have no idea the level of love and understanding a parent has (or should have). (I didn’t until Adelyn was first placed in my arms) Or they’re parents who were parents of littles a LONGGGG time ago. Hell, even I have a hard time being around some children, as it’s totally different when your own child is acting out vs another persons child.
But how can you purposely bring tears to these beautiful little eyes??
I’m not sure the point of this post. I guess it’s just to be compassionate towards others. Don’t judge them. When you see a Mom struggling in the supermarket, don’t give her the look of death, smile and say “we’ve all been there, it’s ok”